This just happened.

*ring ring*

Cole: Hello?

Me: Don't be mad.

Cole: I'm already mad at someone else, I can't be mad at you, too.

Me: Good, because you shouldn't be mad at me, and you shouldn't yell because it makes me sad.

Cole: I'm not going to yell, why would I-

Me: STOP YELLING AT ME!

Cole: I'm not yelling at you?

Me: Okay. Well, don't be angry.

Cole: ...What did you do?

Me: Why do you have to be so mad all the time?

Cole: I'm not, I'm happy. Whee! We're happy! Now... What happened?

Me: Promise you won't get mad.

Cole: I promise.

Me: And you won't yell?

Cole: Amanda, I-

Me: STOP YELLING!

Cole: I-

Me: YOU'RE YELLING! YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T YELL!

Cole: I'm not, you-

Me: Don't get mad, either.

Cole: I won't get-

Me: I forgive you. Let's never fight again.

Cole: Do you want to tell me what you did or not?

Me: No...?

Cole: Tell me.

Me: Okay, well, you know that kitty that lives in our neighborhood?

Cole: ...

Me: You know the one? He's white and black and orange and he's so skinny?

Cole: ...Yeah...

Me: DON'T YELL AT ME!

Cole: I-

Me: IT MAKES ME SAD WHEN YOU YELL!

Cole: I'mnotyellingwillyoupleasejust-

Me: I fed him.

Cole: What?

Me: I fed him food. He was so hungry.

Cole: You fed the stray cat?

Me: Uh huh.

Cole: But he's never going to leave now! We already have one cat and we agreed, no more cats! (That last part was implied. We do have one cat, and he's 17 pounds of piss-on-what-I-want, but-specifically-all-of-the-carpet fury. We have agreed: no more.)

Me: I know. I'm not sorry. He ate Gray's food so fast! I've never seen a starving cat eat that fast.

Cole: You gave him Gray's food?

Me: Yes. I was in the den and I looked up and his wee little kitty face was in the window and so I went and I got Gray's bowl, and he came in and was all 'meow, meow, feed me, meow,' and I was like "GET OUT OF HERE YOU FATASS! YOU CAN SHARE! THERE ARE STARVING KITTENS IN CHINA!" and then I took his bowl outside.

Cole: You-

Me: So his food is outside. Which isn't specifically China, although China is also outside. Just farther away. But I don't think he knows the difference.

Cole: I'm not mad.

Me: Good, because remember that one time you said you wouldn't be?

Cole: I'm not.

Me: Okay. I named him Harold.

Cole: Who?

Me: The KITTY. His name is Harold.

Cole: O... kay?

Me: I think he's a lady. I'll probably feed him again tomorrow.

Cole: Perfect.

Fin.